okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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