I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is my gift to your gina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
