Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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