Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
