while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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