Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
