Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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