She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
