How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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