Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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