how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My cat gives me a boner
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
