i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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