I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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