she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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