I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
