On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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