I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize