so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
