Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
