I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
