You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
