Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize