ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wanna go halves on a baby?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
