Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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