My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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