So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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