Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
