My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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