So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize