I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
