just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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