Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
