I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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