yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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