A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
