I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
