I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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