I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
