So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
