I accidentally had phone sex last night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
