oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
