your room smells of hookers.
And success
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
