I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
