I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
