he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
