Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
