I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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