I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
