Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
