I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
