and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize