What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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