new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
