38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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