I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You left your phone here
Wait...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
