You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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