Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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