non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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