we're blogging at a bar
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
