I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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