she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were destined to go to rehab together
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
