I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
