covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
