A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
