did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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