hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
