clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
