I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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