Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
