I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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