i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
