i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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