Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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