All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
