I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need a beard to bite.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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