Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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