im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would ride that face into the sunset
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
