Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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