i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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