if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
