When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
