I am puke
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
