I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
