You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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