I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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