Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
