I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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