my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
