Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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